I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need to align my fucking chakras
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
