My friends, they love my intelligence
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
