True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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