Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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