just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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