I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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