someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize