whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
