Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
