I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
