All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You took a bar mat shot.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
