All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize