she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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