why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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