We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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