he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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