So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
