what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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