It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
