it hurts more in the daytime
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding