was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.