What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution