As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought