Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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