um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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