Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
