talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
