Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
