dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's always time for handjobs
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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