Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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