I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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