I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize