I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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