she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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