Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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