i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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