I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
