I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
