I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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