Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
