There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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