So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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