Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
