I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i believe in u and ur pee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
