I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
