I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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