just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal