??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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