hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
