Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
