I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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