OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
