You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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