i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
