my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
