Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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