I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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