Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me