Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in