what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.