Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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