Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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